Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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