you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
