u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
