Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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