I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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