You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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