So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
