I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
