if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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