I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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