remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
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