Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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