"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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