I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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