I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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