my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
