So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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