moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
