last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
