Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
