Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
