i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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