Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
