Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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