I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
