she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
