there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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