Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
