Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
