can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
