you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
