dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
