the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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