Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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