Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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