I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
