I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
