Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
