yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i drank out of a bidet.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
