do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
