All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
