You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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