I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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