I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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