we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
