did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
