When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
