There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
