I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
