I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
