you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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