I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
