I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
