im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
