Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
