I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Say something about gay babies.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
