You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Your tits are I can't wait for
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
