giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
