someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
