I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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