All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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