I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
