I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
