The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
