She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
