please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
