Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
