how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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