If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I could fuck to npr.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
