I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
