I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I AM VODKA MAN
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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