sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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